wakey wakey hands off snakey
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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