Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
