k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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