I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
