I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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