I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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