yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize
