I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The air taste purple.
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