it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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