Where did you get a picture of my penis
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
