She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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