i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
