The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
