cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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