Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
