God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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