So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
