I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
