They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
