well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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