You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
