Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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