i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
