A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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