Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
