I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize