i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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