I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
