I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
