True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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