So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
