Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
