Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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