The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
