I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
