My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
