You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
They are going to name an STD after you.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
