i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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