you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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