Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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