I am puke
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
