That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
