I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
