I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
