I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
