How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
