thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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