Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
