I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
