This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
