I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
