Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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