Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize