Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
