So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
