he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The air was thick with penises
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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