i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
