My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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