The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
