i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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