You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
