Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
