how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize