Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
