I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Can you bring me the toilet please
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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