Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
