I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
