Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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