:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
