When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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