Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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