We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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