I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He passed out mid-signature
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize