it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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