Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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