I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
it was like eating out sand paper
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
