you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize