WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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