The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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