they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
